A peice of my heart

Almost exactly 16 years later I have found a peice of my heart, my baby sister; who is in fact not a baby anylonger. I had last seen my youngesr sister when she was 6 years old and i was 16 years old, she is now 21 and I 32years of age. My heart was full of so much joy on christmas day of 2017 when i drove with my husband, middle sister, and brother in law to Dallas to be reunited with our youngest sister. Since she had not been raised with me do to whatever reason I rather not discuss at this time, part of me feels angered because I feel as if i was cheated. I was cheated out of knowing my youngest sister and out of know my middles sister for the longest up until my adult years. Throughout my 20's I periodically searched for Infinity but was not ever successful. I had found Serenity when she was 16 and knew that their father had give Infinity to child protective services. Do to Me getting to visit Infinity when she was 6 and I was in the system. Infinity was moved from the one home and I aged out of care therfore somehow losing all contact with her. During my moms living days we would talk about how nice it would be to find her and get to know her, yet i had not had any success with my search. Well earlier this year my heart was feeling heavy and I became more determined then i can remember being about anything. I decided i was going to search high and low and would not stop until I found the missing peice, my baby sister. I call cps, aps, i talked to an old case manager from when i was in care and can you beleive noone knew how or what direction to point me in for exacts. After a week i begin to feel alittle hopeless but then decided why dont i upload her pictures i have of her that were my moms onto facebook and see if anyone recognises her. Well sure enough 1 photo inparticular of her and this little boy that was one of her foster brothers got a positive response.. An automatic location of where i could find her. I thought to myself " well why did i not try that sooner". I suppose its all about Gods timing! Iwas able to get in contact with the right people and get things on a roll. We have kept in contact for a few months through phone calls and the postal service exchanging photos and letters. I decided that we had been without each other for too long and what better present for christmas then to have family around so i made proper arraingements to go visit. Before going to visit i spoke with one of her guardians to see what Infinity knew about our mother and to get a feel of rather or not the discussion would be proper and so I decided i would not bring the subject up on christmas day considering i was under the assumption that she knew she had a bio mom but that was as far as it went. And taking in consideration all " issues" she deals with only a daily 1 being autism, i felt that it wouldnt be a good idea to bring up something sad on our first visit! Christmas day comes and we make it to where we are going to visit her.  Im thinking ok great we hugged and now going inside to visit. We walk into the door and turn the corner, Infinity swivels around looks at our other sister and I and very nicely demands " where is our mother?". OH BOY!! Is what i thought. I stuttered while looking for someone to help me with words because I definatly was not expecting this to be the first question. I took a deep breath and decided the truth it would be. I calmly told her with sadness in my heart that our mom was in heaven with jesus. My heart sunk more when seeing her reaction. I could see her heart sink and the dissappoinment in her face. But also I knew our mom was there in spirit because of this question. This baby was taken from her mom when she was 1 years old by her father and so was the middle girl child serenity. Then Infinity. Ended up in the system. To be raised without her biological mother and to have seen her only a total of maybe 3 or 4 times in her younger years, keep in mind i seen her about 3 or 4 times when she was 6 years old also and she did not even remember me or that she had any siblings.So for her to ask me where OUR MOM was, for me was our mom making her presence known loud and clear. So we visited and of course she wanted to come home with us but i had to explain we have to follow the rules and i told her we had to get to know each other except she took the words out of my head with her reaponse of " but i feel like i already know yall" i responded "yes hunny me to" . but as badly as i wanted to bring her home with me there are rules we have to follow right now and process to the whole situation. Maybe thats my insecurities of would i be able to get her all the help she need and deal with her outbursts. Part of me has questioned gods reasoning for allowing me to find her now and why not when mom was alive. I know we arent suppose to question God but sometimes our curiosity gets to us. I am leaving it in gods hands and trusti g him in this whole situation. My sister her voice of an angel and heart as sweet as can be. All the love she has to give just the sweetest face i have seen other then my childs. It soothes me to know our mother is watching over her and with her keeping her safe. I will continue to have contact with her and to visit as often as i can and see where god takes us. All praise and thanks to god for bringing us back togather and thanks to our mom cause if i know our mom she had to have had a finger in it. Lol.  So before we departed 1 of my gifts to her was a necklace with the word lil sis. The necklace is in the shape of a puzzle peice. Serenity and myself have one similar to infinitys except mine reads big sis and serenity reads middle sis. When these three peices are peiced togather the puzzle peices create a heart. Therefore letting my two sisters know that they are a peice of my heart. ❤

My Life as a Wife and Mom.

There are times when I feel as if i could contribute more to my family. This may be me letting me get the best of myself with negative thought because at other times I feel as if I do alot for my family, of course my loving mother in law helps me realize this fact. I sometimes refer to myself as a woman who wears many hats. These hats that I speak of are referring to the many jobs and responsibilities as a wife and mom that I hold. Lets begin with how our mornings start. My alarm wakes me up for me to get up and make sure my daughter is awake and ready and prepared to begin her day. Most days I am responsible for combing and styling her hair. Now i am not sure if this was because their was a boy she liked because she has taken this job over herself once again. After seeing her off to school I then wake my husband up so he can dress and get ready for his day. While he is doing his morning ritual I prepare his lunch and remind him if what he may need to take with him that day. Shortly after the husband and daughter are off to their place of buisness, my day continues at the house. Now some people would think that being "just" a house wife and mom is so easy and dont understand how we housewives and moms may sometimes be stressed or be tired. Well let me tell you when you are a woman who wears many hats, you perform more then 1 job. I am not by any means complaining or saying that those who work have it easier or more difficult then us housewife/moms. I would just like to broaden perspectives and open a little window to give a glimpse of what we do with the day while the nest is empty for a few hours. Once the husband and daughter have been prepared for their day, my next to do is feed and water the dogs, cats, fish, and self. There are beds to be made and messes to be swept. And because the puppies and kittens are not quite trained yet, sometimes their are puddles to be cleaned. I sit down for a minute and think to myself " I feel like i should be doing more." I beleive my thoughts are curved more toward financially. I get up and continue with what is next. Taking meat out to thaw for dinner, washing,drying, folding, and putting away laundry, washing the dishes,organizing and putting away whatever may be out of place. There are tubs and toilets to clean, cat litter to scoop, yard to be maintanced, trash to be taken out and appoinments and other phone calls to be placed and somedays grocery shopping to be done. So not only do i wear the hats of a housekeeper, chef, kennel tech, drycleaner(laundy), dishwasher, personal shopper and Secretary. I am also responsible for being a taxi driver, i drive not only myself, my husband, and daughter where we need to go but also the mother in law and father in laws and whoever else needs a ride somewhere...i take them, except when my husband is home he then takes them because i dont care for driving honestly. Some people may read this and think oh boohooo.... Im not complaining about the many hats i wear. I very much so enjoy taking care of my family. I love my family. Growing up i had the misconception that housewife moms got to stay home and just watch tv all day. Boy what a life that would be to do whatever you want when ever you want....... Until i became a housewife mom! Would i change the job i have? No!  This is my life and i love doing what i do for my husband and daughter to make sure their day is easier and they have their essentials for their day to be complete. I do apologize if this blog is a bit long it is my first blog and so trial and error right. Thanks for reading. Tinaketchum2016@gmail.com